Describing Yourself : Do the roles you have in life define your identity?

• 

I heard the Centre Parcs radio advert this week and it caught my attention where she proclaims

“I’m not Jo Parson this weekend, I am mum” .. preceding this defining statement she relays several

identifiers for which she would normally associate herself with, but that weekend she is not any of them,

she is a parent. It caught my attention as for me It’s rare to hear it this way around. Normally it’s wanting

to escape the mum tag and be someone other than ‘mum”. There is no doubt that I’m absolutely proud

to be a mother to my two beautiful children and that it’s the hardest but in equal measure most

rewarding thing I have ever done. But does it validate who I am as an individual?

And do we need to escape one side of our identity so we can validate and live up the best version of

the other as this advert would suggest?

I enjoy the role that I have at work but would I say that my career gives me a sense of who I am

as a person? I don’t like to think so. So my questions are how much of what you do do you align with

your identity? What validates your identity? And should we be switching from one to another this

leading double lives?

I get super frustrated by the ‘full time mum’ identity label. I work part time but that doesn’t

make me a part time mother? I say that I am a mother who works part time.

To me we are all full time mothers, no matter how many hours you put in the office

, and some of us work and some of us don’t. Why do mums that don’t work brandish

being a mum as an occupation to apologetically justify your professional choice?

And why does the Centre Parcs mum feel she has to be “mum” for the weekend rather

than just being herself? Isn’t she always a mum?

The commonality here is we are putting our parental and professional duties at the forefront of

our identity. I think it’s important to strip it all back and think who we really are as stand-alone

individuals without using what we do to define us. But how would we do this? If we take away

or parental and professional roles away from the description what are we left with?

Psychologytoday.com says that “defining oneself within a social world is among

one of the most difficult choices a person ever makes”. They also suggest that assumptions are made

of your idenity based on your roles and the biases we have from parent influence, culture and religion etc.

So if we let ourselves become defined by our roles aren’t we just putting ourselves in category boxes

full of social assumptions?

I believe we should be defining ourselves with things that make us as unique and individual

as we are, and I think my values, beliefs and interests are what I believe make up my identity.

I love travel and days out ANYWHERE. I live for adventures and memory making.

Ninety nine percent these involve my family but I also love days out with friends – I’m extremely partial to

an afternoon tea or spa day or most definitely a combination of the both. I love to read and get lost in all

sorts of genres. I love a great Netflix box set, Gin, Ammereto and wine. I also love fitness and running,

I’m nowhere near athletic but I love the physical and mental rush that exercise gives.I could also define

myself by my values. I’m strong willed and strong minded. I also have a strong sense of justice and will

fight for what I believe to be right. I’m sociable yet cautious with new people but I love to make friends

and if you are a close friend I’ll value and trust you deeply.

But these identity markers have an inherent impact on our multiple roles in life.

I am aware that my interests and values are what influences the way I parent and the way I do my job.

To me this is what we should be putting forward for our self image. The stuff that makes us unique,

we are who we are and not the roles we undertake. By all means celebrate your roles, all of us in

whatever path in life are making a contribution to the current and future world,

but don’t lose sight of who you are. You are important and your are more than any role or responsibility.