Wellbeing – My Lifestyle Diaries

Books and Media, Career, Family, Wellbeing

My Favourite Podcasts

4th Sep 20191st Sep 2019 My Lifestyle Diaries

What is a podcast? Forbes online “the place to gain and share knowledge, empowering people to learn from others and better understand the world.”

How Did I Start Listening to podcasts? Why did it take me so long to discover podcasts? They are fab. I love a bit of background music when i’m doing chores or powering away at my desk and have been a huge fan of Spotify for a few years now, but I never considering delving into podcasts. That was until my search for book inspiration on Pinterest led me to discover podcasts. I firstly began with Lara Casey and soon skipped onto Fearne Cotton, and Chloe Brotheridge soon after their fascinating conversations with others have led me onto their podcasts and i’ve even going full circle tracking down their books!

Why should you listen to podcasts? I find that listening to a podcast feels like a conversation, they are so easy to fit into our busy lives. They are a great alternative to picking up a book and you can have one in the background when you’re working, catching up around the house, cooking or driving. I feel they bring communities with common interests or focus together and create new ones. Podcasts can also help with mindfulness and opening up your thought processes.

What are my favourites? There are podcasts out there for literally every topic imaginable but for me personally I have been enjoying those that focus on career women, mental wellbeing, lifestyle, family life, fashion and beauty.

My Podcast Recommendations I’m the type of person that when I discover something new and exciting I get a bit obsessed with it and will promote whatever it is to anyone who will listen. So I have created this list of my favourites for anyone with similar interests to mine, or if you enjoy reading my posts. And to follow Giovanna Fletcher’s advice on the Brynoy Gordon Mad World podcast – don’t follow those you aspire to be, follow those who you relate to and get you – be part of your community.

Happy listening!

Mental health and Self Care

Calm Moment https://www.calmmoment.com/wellbeing/11-best-podcasts-for-wellbeing/
Advice from a Thirtysomething https://advicefromathirtysomething.com/category/self-care/
Chloe Brotheridge – The Anxiety Solution https://www.calmer-you.com/
Fearne Cotton – Happy Place http://www.officialfearnecotton.com/news/2018/2/26/happy-place-podcast
Bryony Gordon’s Mad World https://bryonysmadworld.telegraph.co.uk/ The Motherkind Podcast By Zoe Blaskey https://www.motherkind.co/#new-page-3

Mindfulness, Motivation and Goal Setting

The Daily Boost https://motivationtomove.com/podcasts/daily-boost-motivation-podcast-archives/

Lifestyle, Health and Beauty

Lauren Conrad – Asking for a Friend https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/lauren-conrad-asking-for-a-friend-launches-may-8th/id1456642771?i=1000432223492&mt=2
Whitney Port – With Whit https://withwhit.libsyn.com/ Jen Hatmaker http://jenhatmaker.com/podcast.htm

Career, Family, Family Life, Wellbeing

I’m just so busy, but does that mean I’m successful?

1st Sep 20191st Sep 2019 My Lifestyle Diaries

Photo credit: https://pixabay.com/users/Chigraph-466906

I see it everywhere; on the internet, social media, work, the school run – we are all so ‘busy’. And we’re proud of it. I often attest that I’d rather be busy than bored and I’m not alone. I only have to look amongst my peers on several of the WhatsApp groups I’m on – several messages depicting busyness, expressing apologies for ‘just catching up’ on messages, working ridiculous hours, ‘being snowed under’ with family life and commitments, the inability to find a mutually convenient date for a meet up – they all resonate with the social norm of being ‘busy’. Furthermore there is also the social ‘humble brag’ of being so deep in work that there is no time for themselves (menshealth.com).

Why is it so fashionable to be busy? why do we relish in it so much? Psychcentral.com suggests that in the modern times we live in, where more of us have better access to wealth, being busy is the new status symbol. They also say that busyness can be seen as a measure of self worth – after all we want to juggle and have it all don’t we? Emily ley, author of ‘Grace not Perfection’ agrees and suggests our society glorifies busyness and the adrenaline rush; If we’re not fast then we are not moving forward, and women in particular, step into the martyr role believing they are doing it for the greater good.

The impact of being busy could be having serious implications on our mental and physical health. Lara Casey, author of Make it Happen and Cultivate What Matters, states that being busy is the enemy of peace. And according to menshealth.com overworking can be extremely hard on you – raising stress levels (especially if you are sacrificing breaks) comprising your immune system and increasing the risk of serious health issues like heart disease and cancer. Constant busyness can also lead to self sabotaging and eventually a crash and burn (Emily Ley).

People who complain endlessly about being overworked and overwhelmed may be sending others a less-than-subtle message: “I’m more important than you.” (WebMD.com)

However there may also be more worrying reasons that we try to busy ourselves. It may be that busyness is used as a coping mechanism or a form of escapism when we don’t want to face things or tune into how we are really feeling (pyschcentral.com). It’s also used as a way to try and attain job security and prove that we are needed in times where no job is deemed safe and where our performance indicators are less visible than they once were in traditional jobs (sloww.co).

So we have established that busyness is an attractive status symbol. But it’s also clear that it can have a serious impact on our wellbeing, but regardless we push on anyway. Is this because we are afraid that if we don’t then we will fall short in society’s eyes? Are we then somehow deemed less successful? It seems we are scared of exposure; exposure that leaves our vulnerabilities and weaknesses on show. But If we immerse ourselves in busyness how will ever address them?

This is why we need to reevaluate our attitude and mindset. Look further at how we can organise ourselves, think about all the things your missing out on by staying busy, and face what it is we are trying to escape. Don’t apologise for being efficient or afraid that it exposes you, use it as an opportunity to put yourself first, then you can give the best version of yourself to others. For yourself practice self care, spend time on you and you’ll be refreshed to spend time with people. Professionally look at what’s going on in your industry and how you can add value to what you do, be it with better ways of doing things or helping others with their work and skills showing your value as a team member, work on your usp and bring that to your role to show that you are indispensable by being efficient. Employers want workers who are forward thinking and can do more efficiently rather than busying themselves by lengthening their work to justify their time.

The way we talk about being busy needs to change too. Whilst we should encourage people to talk openly if they are struggling, we need to respond to the laments of busyness in a positive and constructive manner. Be a good friend. Next time someone talks about how busy they are offer up your help. Is there something you could work on together to free up both your time?

What are your thoughts on this? How do you perceive busyness? How does being busy make you feel?

Sources https://psychcentral.com/lib/busyness-the-new-status-symbol/ https://www.webmd.com/balance/news/20170413/im-just-too-busy—-is-being-overworked-the-new-status-symbol https://www.menshealth.com/health/a19545737/busy-is-new-status-symbol/ http://slow.co/busyness-101/ https:/newdimensions.org/reclaming-our-time-and-moving-away-from-busy-beavior-with-yvonne-tally Lara Casey – Make it Happen, Emily Ley – Grace Not Perfection, Lara Casey – Cultivate What Matters, Jayne Hardy – The Self Care Project

Wellbeing

Having it All

27th Aug 201931st Aug 2019 My Lifestyle Diaries

The elusive aim of having it all? – how do we do it? Is it even possible? It’s a question I’m constantly asking myself, and it’s an age old one, widely suggested to date back to publication by Helen Gurley Brown, the author of the renowned book Having It All: Love, Success, Sex, and Money Even If You’re Starting with Nothing, published in 1982. At this point she had been editor of Cosmopolitan in the US for 20 years. It was very much the dawn of an era of single women in the workplace competing with their male counterparts to break those glass ceilings. A time when women were gaining financial independence and therefore a bit of freedom over their choices.

But fast forward over thirty years, where we are very much in the age of wellbeing and self care being paramount as well as still trying to break those glass ceilings and raise a family, what does ‘having it all’ mean? If you search the internet you’ll see numerous articles telling you that the secret to having it all is to realise you have it already or, quite conversely that the phrase is a veiled attempt to get women to ‘do it all’ (metro.co.uk/lifestyle).

So if this is open to personal interpretation then to me having it all is happiness and contentment, and as I see it in my life right now, that’s a happy, healthy family, security and finding the time for me to pursue things that promote my wellbeing – in that order. How do I see myself doing that on a practical level? Being a present mother and wife, running a home, succeeding in your career, and fitting that all important self-care time.

And this looks great on paper but can it all be fully achieved in reality? And, as Emily Ley suggests in her book ‘grace not perfection’, even if you do manage to do it all, can you do it all well? She believes we can have very clear ideas of where we want to be in life but in some seasons we can only realise them in bits and pieces. Now whilst this is most probably true how many of us try and meet all our goals simultaneously and as quickly as possible regardless? I know I do.

I’m a total advocate of trying out every organisational technique going to maximise my time so that I fit in all the things I want to do, there’s so much advice out there trying to prove it can be done after all. But in today’s climate of taking care of ourselves as well as others is it healthy to promote this belief that we can jam pack it all in? I suppose on reflection I’m a follower of what Lara Casey refers to as ‘The Chase’ where we are striving so much that we don’t slow down to think about how we are really feeling. We fill our minds with things for inspiration and that fuel our need to strive for things – magazines, social media, TV. But does this inspiration lead to us to strive to impossible standards? What would we be striving for if we looked at different sources of inspiration? Or none at all?

I’m a huge fan of Pinterest as a source of help on getting to me to the glittering destination that is having it all, not to mention the advice given in blogs and social media. So I can totally relate.A famous quote by Lara Casey is that ‘comparison is the thief of all joy’ and I think this is true. And does whoever we compare ourselves to feel they have it all or are they striving too? I’m here asking these questions as I evidently feel that I’m continually striving. I often feel that not all of the proverbial plates spin perfectly at the same time – if I’m really focused on work then am I neglecting my family? Should I stay at home and tackle that ironing pile rather than take an hour to myself to go for that run? If I take time out to help kids with school and extracurricular activities will my professional work suffer?

The key to real contentment and sense of achievement may not lay in the satisfying feeling of successful multitasking which we seldom enjoy, but maybe instead in our attitude and acceptance of what will be. Chloe Brotheridge, author of The Anxiety Solution, also says that we need to accept that doing our best is good enough, and that this acceptance is important in the way we deal with things that don’t always go to plan, and look at them as opportunities for learning. In order to do this we should have trust in what will be and avoid orchestrating perfect scenarios, and forgive ourselves for not being able to do everything. I’m trying to heed this advice at the moment in my life, but it’s not easy! However I do revisit the order of what my interpretation of having it all is and the most important thing is happiness. And can

I say that I’m truly happy? Yes I think I can, I’m grateful for what I have but will always strive for more for my family and I. I think I just need to practice acceptance and let go of trying to get everything perfect one hundred percent of the time – this is definitely a work in progress though!

What are your feelings on having it all? Do you feel like you have it balanced? Or do you believe it’s an outdated concept? I’d love to hear your views.

Sources

The secret to having it all is realising that you have it already https://www.classycareergirl.com/2017/11/having-it-all

Chloe Botheridge: The Anxiety Solution

Lara Casey: Make it Happen

Wellbeing

Describing Yourself : Do the roles you have in life define your identity?

22nd Jun 20197th Aug 2019 My Lifestyle Diaries

I heard the Centre Parcs radio advert this week and it caught my attention where she proclaims

“I’m not Jo Parson this weekend, I am mum” .. preceding this defining statement she relays several

identifiers for which she would normally associate herself with, but that weekend she is not any of them,

she is a parent. It caught my attention as for me It’s rare to hear it this way around. Normally it’s wanting

to escape the mum tag and be someone other than ‘mum”. There is no doubt that I’m absolutely proud

to be a mother to my two beautiful children and that it’s the hardest but in equal measure most

rewarding thing I have ever done. But does it validate who I am as an individual?

And do we need to escape one side of our identity so we can validate and live up the best version of

the other as this advert would suggest?

I enjoy the role that I have at work but would I say that my career gives me a sense of who I am

as a person? I don’t like to think so. So my questions are how much of what you do do you align with

your identity? What validates your identity? And should we be switching from one to another this

leading double lives?

I get super frustrated by the ‘full time mum’ identity label. I work part time but that doesn’t

make me a part time mother? I say that I am a mother who works part time.

To me we are all full time mothers, no matter how many hours you put in the office

, and some of us work and some of us don’t. Why do mums that don’t work brandish

being a mum as an occupation to apologetically justify your professional choice?

And why does the Centre Parcs mum feel she has to be “mum” for the weekend rather

than just being herself? Isn’t she always a mum?

The commonality here is we are putting our parental and professional duties at the forefront of

our identity. I think it’s important to strip it all back and think who we really are as stand-alone

individuals without using what we do to define us. But how would we do this? If we take away

or parental and professional roles away from the description what are we left with?

Psychologytoday.com says that “defining oneself within a social world is among

one of the most difficult choices a person ever makes”. They also suggest that assumptions are made

of your idenity based on your roles and the biases we have from parent influence, culture and religion etc.

So if we let ourselves become defined by our roles aren’t we just putting ourselves in category boxes

full of social assumptions?

I believe we should be defining ourselves with things that make us as unique and individual

as we are, and I think my values, beliefs and interests are what I believe make up my identity.

I love travel and days out ANYWHERE. I live for adventures and memory making.

Ninety nine percent these involve my family but I also love days out with friends – I’m extremely partial to

an afternoon tea or spa day or most definitely a combination of the both. I love to read and get lost in all

sorts of genres. I love a great Netflix box set, Gin, Ammereto and wine. I also love fitness and running,

I’m nowhere near athletic but I love the physical and mental rush that exercise gives.I could also define

myself by my values. I’m strong willed and strong minded. I also have a strong sense of justice and will

fight for what I believe to be right. I’m sociable yet cautious with new people but I love to make friends

and if you are a close friend I’ll value and trust you deeply.

But these identity markers have an inherent impact on our multiple roles in life.

I am aware that my interests and values are what influences the way I parent and the way I do my job.

To me this is what we should be putting forward for our self image. The stuff that makes us unique,

we are who we are and not the roles we undertake. By all means celebrate your roles, all of us in

whatever path in life are making a contribution to the current and future world,

but don’t lose sight of who you are. You are important and your are more than any role or responsibility.

Wellbeing

Catch Up Therapy – the positive impact of a good conversation

15th Jun 20197th Aug 2019 My Lifestyle Diaries

What’s your ideal setting for a great catch up? Those that know me well will testify that I adore a cup of tea, and more recently coffee! I can’t pretend I’m not partial to the odd glass of wine or gin too. But what makes any of these beverages a much more enjoyable experience is the art of good old conversation. I do love a good scroll through social media or getting lost in a great podcast but they don’t make me feel as uplifted as a face to face conversation. It has been suggested by many that enjoying the company of others contributes to your happiness, improved mental and physical health and can even help you live longer.

In the past twelve months or so family life has, dare I say out loud, has settled into some sort of routine now both my children are in full time school. I loved taking my two to baby and toddler groups and the social interaction that gave all of us and I do miss them now those days have gone (at least during term time) but this has allowed me to make a little more time for self-care, and part of that time is spent with meeting friends and fully concentrating on catching up. Making time for reintroducing this into my busy life as a working mam has been so beneficial. I’m relishing the opportunity to speak about what’s on my mind and going on in my life and I go home with a renewed energy and feel refreshed to face the chaos of family life. just by listening and sharing a different perspective.

Talking has the power to change the course of the day and mood of others too. You never know how much of a positive impact you could be having.I love that we not only catch up on each other’s news when I talk with friends but also that you’ll inevitably learn something new or gain valuable advice, or a totally new perspective, from them on your outpourings. It’s great that there are lots of mental health awareness raising in the media as it’s really getting people talking too. It sends the correct message that it’s ok to take time out to talk and catch up. This positive message goes hand in hand with the shift from the urge to portray a perfect life, where we are now encouraged to say that it is ok not to be ok. The valuable lesson being not to bottle things up and help each other out.

I am also loving the opportunity to maintain the sense of community outside of social media (which has been a godsend in those manic baby and toddler days where leaving the house felt impossible!) which we’ve probably all lost to some degree in our busy lives. With busy lives and modern technology making virtual communication much easier and by far the most convenient option, which I absolutely embrace, I think we need to use this to enhance and not replace that face to face contact. With the proven benefits there really is no substitute for a good old fashioned chat. Talking and taking time out improves your relationship with others too, especially as a parent where your happiness has such an impact on the well-being of your children.

But with a hectic life pulling you in all directions do you struggle to fit catch ups in with work and home life? Whilst it is clear that there are benefits, It is a symptom of modern life that finding the time to talk is difficult, so how do you fit these opportunities in? I personally find that making catching up as much of a priority as other important things on my to-do list helps, making sure I schedule them regularly in advance and commit to them – not just on my non-working days but during lunch breaks at work too. I have standing monthly arrangements with work-friends and friends outside of work which we all try and commit to as much as possible. Having that set day every fourth week helps you make it part of your routine, and it doesn’t feel like an effort to find the time when it is incorporated into your life that way. I do love some of the tips that are given on bustle.com (link below). I love the idea of paying in advance and how they challenge the barriers of being “too busy” to meet up and even suggest meeting up to do chores together – this can help inspire some productive opportunities to meet up and talk.

Do you feel that you need to make more time to talk? are you overwhelmed thinking how you could possibly fit in? Or are you on top of your ‘keeping in touch’ game and able to offer any more ideas, maybe some really creative ones, on how you manage it? I’d love to know your thoughts.