Juggling – My Lifestyle Diaries

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I see it everywhere; on the internet, social media, work, the school run – we are all so ‘busy’. And we’re proud of it. I often attest that I’d rather be busy than bored and I’m not alone. I only have to look amongst my peers on several of the WhatsApp groups I’m on – several messages depicting busyness, expressing apologies for ‘just catching up’ on messages, working ridiculous hours, ‘being snowed under’ with family life and commitments, the inability to find a mutually convenient date for a meet up – they all resonate with the social norm of being ‘busy’. Furthermore there is also the social ‘humble brag’ of being so deep in work that there is no time for themselves (menshealth.com).

Why is it so fashionable to be busy? why do we relish in it so much? Psychcentral.com suggests that in the modern times we live in, where more of us have better access to wealth, being busy is the new status symbol. They also say that busyness can be seen as a measure of self worth – after all we want to juggle and have it all don’t we? Emily ley, author of ‘Grace not Perfection’ agrees and suggests our society glorifies busyness and the adrenaline rush; If we’re not fast then we are not moving forward, and women in particular, step into the martyr role believing they are doing it for the greater good.

The impact of being busy could be having serious implications on our mental and physical health. Lara Casey, author of Make it Happen and Cultivate What Matters, states that being busy is the enemy of peace. And according to menshealth.com overworking can be extremely hard on you – raising stress levels (especially if you are sacrificing breaks) comprising your immune system and increasing the risk of serious health issues like heart disease and cancer. Constant busyness can also lead to self sabotaging and eventually a crash and burn (Emily Ley).

People who complain endlessly about being overworked and overwhelmed may be sending others a less-than-subtle message: “I’m more important than you.” (WebMD.com)

However there may also be more worrying reasons that we try to busy ourselves. It may be that busyness is used as a coping mechanism or a form of escapism when we don’t want to face things or tune into how we are really feeling (pyschcentral.com). It’s also used as a way to try and attain job security and prove that we are needed in times where no job is deemed safe and where our performance indicators are less visible than they once were in traditional jobs (sloww.co).

So we have established that busyness is an attractive status symbol. But it’s also clear that it can have a serious impact on our wellbeing, but regardless we push on anyway. Is this because we are afraid that if we don’t then we will fall short in society’s eyes? Are we then somehow deemed less successful? It seems we are scared of exposure; exposure that leaves our vulnerabilities and weaknesses on show. But If we immerse ourselves in busyness how will ever address them?

This is why we need to reevaluate our attitude and mindset. Look further at how we can organise ourselves, think about all the things your missing out on by staying busy, and face what it is we are trying to escape. Don’t apologise for being efficient or afraid that it exposes you, use it as an opportunity to put yourself first, then you can give the best version of yourself to others. For yourself practice self care, spend time on you and you’ll be refreshed to spend time with people. Professionally look at what’s going on in your industry and how you can add value to what you do, be it with better ways of doing things or helping others with their work and skills showing your value as a team member, work on your usp and bring that to your role to show that you are indispensable by being efficient. Employers want workers who are forward thinking and can do more efficiently rather than busying themselves by lengthening their work to justify their time.

The way we talk about being busy needs to change too. Whilst we should encourage people to talk openly if they are struggling, we need to respond to the laments of busyness in a positive and constructive manner. Be a good friend. Next time someone talks about how busy they are offer up your help. Is there something you could work on together to free up both your time?

What are your thoughts on this? How do you perceive busyness? How does being busy make you feel?

Sources https://psychcentral.com/lib/busyness-the-new-status-symbol/ https://www.webmd.com/balance/news/20170413/im-just-too-busy—-is-being-overworked-the-new-status-symbol https://www.menshealth.com/health/a19545737/busy-is-new-status-symbol/ http://slow.co/busyness-101/ https:/newdimensions.org/reclaming-our-time-and-moving-away-from-busy-beavior-with-yvonne-tally Lara Casey – Make it Happen, Emily Ley – Grace Not Perfection, Lara Casey – Cultivate What Matters, Jayne Hardy – The Self Care Project

The elusive aim of having it all? – how do we do it? Is it even possible? It’s a question I’m constantly asking myself, and it’s an age old one, widely suggested to date back to publication by Helen Gurley Brown, the author of the renowned book Having It All: Love, Success, Sex, and Money Even If You’re Starting with Nothing, published in 1982. At this point she had been editor of Cosmopolitan in the US for 20 years. It was very much the dawn of an era of single women in the workplace competing with their male counterparts to break those glass ceilings. A time when women were gaining financial independence and therefore a bit of freedom over their choices.

But fast forward over thirty years, where we are very much in the age of wellbeing and self care being paramount as well as still trying to break those glass ceilings and raise a family, what does ‘having it all’ mean? If you search the internet you’ll see numerous articles telling you that the secret to having it all is to realise you have it already or, quite conversely that the phrase is a veiled attempt to get women to ‘do it all’ (metro.co.uk/lifestyle).

So if this is open to personal interpretation then to me having it all is happiness and contentment, and as I see it in my life right now, that’s a happy, healthy family, security and finding the time for me to pursue things that promote my wellbeing – in that order. How do I see myself doing that on a practical level? Being a present mother and wife, running a home, succeeding in your career, and fitting that all important self-care time.

And this looks great on paper but can it all be fully achieved in reality? And, as Emily Ley suggests in her book ‘grace not perfection’, even if you do manage to do it all, can you do it all well? She believes we can have very clear ideas of where we want to be in life but in some seasons we can only realise them in bits and pieces. Now whilst this is most probably true how many of us try and meet all our goals simultaneously and as quickly as possible regardless? I know I do.

I’m a total advocate of trying out every organisational technique going to maximise my time so that I fit in all the things I want to do, there’s so much advice out there trying to prove it can be done after all. But in today’s climate of taking care of ourselves as well as others is it healthy to promote this belief that we can jam pack it all in? I suppose on reflection I’m a follower of what Lara Casey refers to as ‘The Chase’ where we are striving so much that we don’t slow down to think about how we are really feeling. We fill our minds with things for inspiration and that fuel our need to strive for things – magazines, social media, TV. But does this inspiration lead to us to strive to impossible standards? What would we be striving for if we looked at different sources of inspiration? Or none at all?

I’m a huge fan of Pinterest as a source of help on getting to me to the glittering destination that is having it all, not to mention the advice given in blogs and social media. So I can totally relate.A famous quote by Lara Casey is that ‘comparison is the thief of all joy’ and I think this is true. And does whoever we compare ourselves to feel they have it all or are they striving too? I’m here asking these questions as I evidently feel that I’m continually striving. I often feel that not all of the proverbial plates spin perfectly at the same time – if I’m really focused on work then am I neglecting my family? Should I stay at home and tackle that ironing pile rather than take an hour to myself to go for that run? If I take time out to help kids with school and extracurricular activities will my professional work suffer?

The key to real contentment and sense of achievement may not lay in the satisfying feeling of successful multitasking which we seldom enjoy, but maybe instead in our attitude and acceptance of what will be. Chloe Brotheridge, author of The Anxiety Solution, also says that we need to accept that doing our best is good enough, and that this acceptance is important in the way we deal with things that don’t always go to plan, and look at them as opportunities for learning. In order to do this we should have trust in what will be and avoid orchestrating perfect scenarios, and forgive ourselves for not being able to do everything. I’m trying to heed this advice at the moment in my life, but it’s not easy! However I do revisit the order of what my interpretation of having it all is and the most important thing is happiness. And can

I say that I’m truly happy? Yes I think I can, I’m grateful for what I have but will always strive for more for my family and I. I think I just need to practice acceptance and let go of trying to get everything perfect one hundred percent of the time – this is definitely a work in progress though!

What are your feelings on having it all? Do you feel like you have it balanced? Or do you believe it’s an outdated concept? I’d love to hear your views.

Sources

The secret to having it all is realising that you have it already https://www.classycareergirl.com/2017/11/having-it-all

Chloe Botheridge: The Anxiety Solution

Lara Casey: Make it Happen

Tag: Juggling

I’m just so busy, but does that mean I’m successful?

Having it All