Having it All

The elusive aim of having it all? – how do we do it? Is it even possible? It’s a question I’m constantly asking myself, and it’s an age old one, widely suggested to date back to publication by Helen Gurley Brown, the author of the renowned book Having It All: Love, Success, Sex, and Money Even If You’re Starting with Nothing, published in 1982. At this point she had been editor of Cosmopolitan in the US for 20 years. It was very much the dawn of an era of single women in the workplace competing with their male counterparts to break those glass ceilings. A time when women were gaining financial independence and therefore a bit of freedom over their choices. 

But fast forward over thirty years, where we are very much in the age of wellbeing and self care being paramount as well as still trying to break those glass ceilings and raise a family, what does ‘having it all’ mean? If you search the internet you’ll see numerous articles telling you that the secret to having it all is to realise you have it already or, quite conversely that the phrase is a veiled attempt to get women to ‘do it all’ (metro.co.uk/lifestyle). 

So if this is open to personal interpretation then to me having it all is happiness and contentment, and as I see it in my life right now, that’s a happy, healthy family, security and finding the time for me to pursue things that promote my wellbeing  – in that order. How do I see myself doing that on a practical level? Being a present mother and wife, running a home, succeeding in your career, and fitting that all important self-care time. 

And this looks great on paper but can it all be fully achieved in reality? And, as Emily Ley suggests in her book ‘grace not perfection’, even if you do manage to do it all, can you do it all well? She  believes we can have very clear ideas of where we want to be in life but in some seasons we can only realise them in bits and pieces. Now whilst this is most probably true how many of us try and meet all our goals simultaneously and as quickly as possible regardless? I know I do.

I’m a total advocate of trying out every organisational technique going to maximise my time so that I fit in all the things I want to do, there’s so much advice out there trying to prove it can be done after all. But in today’s climate of taking care of ourselves as well as others is it healthy to promote this belief that we can jam pack it all in? I suppose on reflection I’m a follower of what Lara Casey refers to as ‘The Chase’ where we are striving so much that we don’t slow down to think about how we are really feeling. We fill our minds with things for inspiration and that fuel our need to strive for things – magazines, social media, TV. But does this inspiration lead to us to strive to impossible standards? What would we be striving for if we looked at different sources of inspiration? Or none at all?

I’m a huge fan of Pinterest as a source of help on getting to me to the glittering destination that is having it all, not to mention the advice given in blogs and social media. So I can totally relate.A famous quote by Lara Casey is that ‘comparison is the thief of all joy’ and I think this is true. And does whoever we compare ourselves to feel they have it all or are they striving too?  I’m here asking these questions as I evidently feel that I’m continually striving. I often feel that not all of the proverbial plates spin perfectly at the same time – if I’m really focused on work then am I neglecting my family? Should I stay at home and tackle that ironing pile rather than take an hour to myself to go for that run? If I take time out to help kids with school and extracurricular activities will my professional work suffer? 

The key to real contentment and sense of achievement may not lay in the satisfying feeling of successful multitasking which we seldom enjoy, but maybe instead in our attitude and acceptance of what will be.  Chloe Brotheridge, author of The Anxiety Solution, also says that we need to accept that doing our best is good enough, and that this acceptance is important in the way we deal with things that don’t always go to plan, and look at them as opportunities for learning. In order to do this we should have trust in what will be and avoid orchestrating perfect scenarios, and forgive ourselves for not being able to do everything. I’m trying to heed this advice at the moment in my life, but it’s not easy! However I do revisit the order of what my interpretation of having it all is and the most important thing is happiness. And can 

I say that I’m truly happy? Yes I think I can, I’m grateful for what I have but will always strive for more for my family and I. I think I just need to practice acceptance and let go of trying to get everything perfect one hundred percent of the time – this is definitely a work in progress though! 

What are your feelings on having it all? Do you feel like you have it balanced? Or do you believe it’s an outdated concept? I’d love to hear your views. 

Sources

The secret to having it all is realising that you have it already https://www.classycareergirl.com/2017/11/having-it-all

Chloe Botheridge: The Anxiety Solution

Lara Casey: Make it Happen